Bon Voyage Slave New World

Sex, soma and suicide. By Ford, that about sums it up.

The Rumble and Tumble in Colombia

Love in the Time of Kahlúa is a White Cuban presented with a little literary license. There’s no need to have cholera to love this libidinous libation.

When Love is Like Cholera

Love is an acute illness caused by infection of the heart with the bacterium Ignitio amorae. The amorae bacterium is usually found in cities and rural areas. Currently, there are no vaccines available.

Rye and Prejudice and Zombies

The marriage of rye whiskey with grapefruit juice distills the pretentiousness of Mr. Collins and the vanity of Miss Caroline Bingley. It represents Mr. Darcy of the ball rather than the gentleman at Pemberly.

Jane 3:16

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have an everlasting wife.

Ethan Pom and Bloody Mattie

Champagne, grenadine and ice create an adult Shirley Temple that makes Ethan Frome’s second sled run worth the consequences. A worthy celebratory drink to usher in a new year.

Ethan Frome de Champagne

The color is a stifling winter white accented with a youthful hue. Its body is sickly, revealing sadness, resignation, loneliness, resentment and a hint of pickled anger. Fragrant with elm, the seductive blond notes combine with aging bitterness and masculine duty in a subtle, rich narrative, paced gracefully to an austere finish and a tremendous hangover.

In Memoriam: Cerveza Preparada

Rub a lime around the rim of a chilled glass. Dip the rim in chili lime powder. Mix the rest of the ingredients, add to the glass with ice. Top with beer.

Cuckoo for Cosmos

A big nurse and a con man walk into bar. The bartender says, “I’ve got the cure for what ails ya.” The con man says, “I’ll have Sex With Candy.” The nurse replies, “No. He’ll have a Lobotomy.” But instead the bartender serves a Cosmopolitan. Go figure.

A Recipe for Marital Lunacy

Infuse two people with insecurity. Season each liberally with expectations and assumptions. Knead until tender. Mix with stress. Bake in the heat of a fight for control until painful to touch. Serve raw when a firm callus of anger, hurt, resentment and selfishness appears. Add tears to taste.

CrazyNotSoCrazy

This book was published in 1932 and all I could think as I was reading it was Seriously? This dude came up with this 85 years ago? How did he know?!

Please, sir, may I have another?

The drink was good. Ish. Kinda basic – nothing too exciting. But I finished it quickly. And asked for another.

Lust in the Time of Cholera

Oprah said, “This is one of the greatest love stories I have ever read.” In my opinion, this book is the antithesis of a love story.

Two Not Good Things Don’t Make a Good Thing.

What a monumental disappointment to pair this gross drink with such a great book. Rye whiskey tastes like a grumpy old man. Grapefruit juice is Sour McSourson.

Jane Austen, I’m sorry. And thank you.

Thank you, Jane Austen, for creating characters that I fell in love with. And for teaching me that every once in a while, the hype is for real.

Shave Ice: Cocktail Edition

Tonight we made Ethan Poms. They’re champagne topped with crushed ice and grenadine drizzled over the top. Basically a champagne slushy.

Ethan Frome (Or a lesson on Less is More)

I was rooting for the affair. That’s how awful Zeena was. I’ve never, ever in my life found myself on the side of an affair. But then Ethan Frome happened.

Tartimus Maximus

Public Service Announcement: Cosmopolitans are not sweet. They are tartimus maximus. It must have something to do with the pure cranberry and lime juices.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

This is a story that will stay with me for a long time. It was extremely well-written, disturbing on a number of levels, and ultimately broke my heart.